but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
