I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
