i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
