DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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