this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
