I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
