i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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