Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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