does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
