bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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