There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
