Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
do herpes really smell.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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