I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
