Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
