There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
