My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
