Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
