i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Two words: blizzard sex
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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