i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i have two assholes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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