i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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