he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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