I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
