my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
