it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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