can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
