the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
