I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
