The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
