Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
