I can text with my tongue
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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