i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
