I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
