My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
