i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
