we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
