Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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