Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
