Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
