I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
