you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
