chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
