That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
