Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
