fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
