You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
