Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
