She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
