You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the room spins SO much faster in panama
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
