Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
