just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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