I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
