There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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